Unkept Thoughts - Volume 3

Charles Dickens once said, “An idea is like a ghost, it must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself.” Perhaps that is one reason why I write down almost every little thing that pops into my head, in order to get some sort of explanation as to why it is there in the first place.

Whether it be a quirk, an amusing little quip, or something that makes you wonder aloud, thoughts should be captured and viewed as the inspiration they may someday be.

- Why do water coolers have so much suction that when you remove an empty bottle, you risk blunt force trauma to the head from the force required to get it off? Wow, that came out sounding really wrong.

- I know it sounds pretty caustic, but the next time someone says something to me about global warming, I’m going to rip down the 6 foot long icicle hanging from my roof and show them the business end of it, especially Al Gore.

- I’m listening to people in my office saying “Happy Friday” to everyone. What’s so happy about it? To me its just you reminding me that I’m not independently wealthy enough to have not wasted yet another week here.

- I watched Tropic Thunder last night and I was left in a similar situation to the one I was left in after watching Napoleon Dynamite. This is either one of the worst movies every made or it was one of the funniest and I just don’t get it. I’m leaning toward the former more so than the latter. Sometimes you want to give these movies another try, just to make sure you were giving it a fair chance. Other times you just want to send it back to Netflix and then take a scalding shower to wash away the experience.

- Layoffs finally hit our company and some long-standing employees lost their jobs. Our controller could be heard saying, “At least she is old enough to qualify for social security.” My wife, who works for the controller, was probably considering grabbing a chair, beating him with it, and then saying, “at least you can collect disability.”

- I may be wrong, but this may be the single best “stupid criminal” story ever.

- I can’t remember a Super Bowl in recent memory, where I have heard so little about the game or the players involved. Maybe’s it’s just me, but it almost feels inconsequential.

- I’ve been doing a lot of work over at YouGabSports with Sully and Felber, and we’re really getting excited about how much participation we’ve seen over the last week. Hopefully that’s a sign of things to come. Some of you guys have made your way over there and have done a lot to make it fun. Thanks for that.

- We think because sometimes we just need some place different for our minds to wander for a bit, if for no other reason than to distract us for a minute from those things we no longer wish to think about.

I’ll leave you all with that last deep thought and let you ponder that for a bit. Enjoy your weekend and thank you for reading.

25 Things About Fragnoli

So, as these blogs have seen in recent weeks, there is a 25 Things post going around on Facebook and everyone has seemingly been tagged by it, up to and now including myself. Since I was writing it anyway, why not share it here for all to see.

Enjoy

1.) My wife and kids are the most important things in the world to me!

2.) I am a twin.

3.) My wife and I had twin boys ourselves. Thanks for that gene Mom!

4.) I love horror films, so much so that at 31, I still hate to go into the basement without a light on.

5.) I lay awake at night pondering stupid crap like “who would win in a fight between Sloth from Goonies and that kid Rocky from Mask?”

6.) I consider myself a man, but I still play with toys and read comic books.

7.) I can talk about sport intelligently without thumping my chest and grunting.

8.) I miss talking with my brother but I can’t bring myself to let go of the grudge that has kept us apart because that will make me feel like I’m justifying the actions he did to put us here.

9.) I dropped a condom while standing in line for photos during my Junior Prom. My date picked it up for me. It stayed in my pocket the rest of the night.

10.) I don’t think I know any of you well enough to have told you that.

11.) I want to write a book someday, but just can’t get the idea out of my head and onto the paper.

12.) I still don’t know what the f@ck Goofy is.

13.) Some people think I have A.D.D., but in reality, I’m just thinking ahead of them.

14.) I have a tendency to over think some things, but perhaps I shouldn’t have shared that here.

15.) My graduating class used all of what their Vermont education gave to them and had our ten year reunion eleven years after we graduated.

16.) I hang to the left, but you may not have wanted to know that.

17.) I need the television on in order to fall asleep.

18.) I’m scared of two things in life; clowns and nipple clamps.

19.) I’ve never ridden on a plane and at this stage in my life, I’m not sure I’d want to.

20.) I’m writing this while eating my lunch. At least I can’t spill anything on it.

21.) My dream job would be a screenplay writer.

22.) When I was a bachelor, I lived off of Hot Pockets exclusively.

23.) I can be a funny sh!t, but I am perhaps one of the most boring people you will ever know.

24.) I can convey anything in writing, but I have never mastered the ability to talk to people.

25.) I got you to read through this entire list. Now how do you feel?

Terrell Owens Reality TV Pitches

As seen on YouGabSports!

By now we’ve all heard the news, but in case you haven’t, it’s a doozy. Believe it or not, VH1 has decided to give Terrell Owens his own reality TV show, following the Cowboys wide receiver while he lives his life off the football field.

Yeah, that sounds like a real ratings winner for me too.

No doubt Owens already gets his share of TV time for his antics, so much so that I’m somewhat shocked that ESPN didn’t try to wrangle the rights to it first. But just how much of it can people stomach in order to bring viewers back from week to week? Is there really that much interest to see just how much lower he’ll stoop?

And how will they work it? What will they do to make it interesting? Let’s face it, reality TV isn’t worth anything unless it’s scripted right?! How about revamping some older reality programs by inserting Owens into an already established premise?

Here are a few ideas that could make this a real hit.

Celebrity Fit Camp

Owens and his Cowboy teammates attempt to whip overweight celebrities back into shape. Expect appearances from Adam “Pacman” Jones doing the infamous Dollar Bill Toss lift and toss technique to work the glutes, Roy Williams’ teaching how Horse Collaring will build your pectoral muscles, and Owens teaching his patented Drive Way push-up technique. There’s no such thing as a TO at this camp.

A Shot of T.O.

The ultimate dating show returns for the erstwhile bachelor. Owens tries to whittle down the field of eligible women to find Ms. Right. The twist, the contestant must make TO love her more than he does himself. Who will step up and accept the challenge to take a Shot Of T.O.

T.O. Knows Best

We follow T.O. around the Dallas locker room as he tries to maintain order and camaraderie amongst the many egos that comprise the Cowboys. Owens will use his own special ways to break through communication gaps, help teammates grow to understand each other more, and do his best to battle the demons that will put his teammates at risk. Nothing is left out, as Owens must do all of this while also trying to save his marriage, to himself.

Survivor - NFL

Survivor returns to network television with a new cast, among them, Terrell Owens. Amongst the many tasks the contestants will have to put themselves through, you’ll see such challenges as pill overdosing, throwing teammates under the bus, and whining for the ball. Nothing will prepare you for the level of depravity these contestants stoop to in order to be the final survivor.

Remote Control

The classic game show from the Eighties gets revamped for the 21st century. Three contestants compete by watching various news clips about Terrell Owens and trying to answer questions to show just how well they know Owens. The final contestant must face off against the man himself to show who knows T.O. best in order to take home the grand prize or go home empty handed.

So, that’s what I’ve got cooking thus far, but I tell you what, I think I’ve hit the veritable gold mine of resources with which to keep these rolling. Imagine others, like:

I Survived A T.O. Interview

Deal or No Deal, The T.O. Contract Edition

The Biggest Loser

The possibilities are endless. Feel free to chip in with some of your own thoughts as well.

Monday Monologues - January 26, 2009

After a week off and a half off, we’re going to get back into the swing of things with a return to Monday Monologues, the weekly post that takes no prisoners and wouldn’t know which ones to take if needed.

Hmm, there’s so much ammunition to choose from and so little time. So let’s start firing some of these off before they get stale shall we?

- It’s been a tough couple of weeks for Knicks center Eddy Curry. Two weeks ago, Curry was accused of sexually harassing his male chauffeur. This weekend, an ex-girlfriend, and mother to one of his children, died from multiple gunshot wounds. Note to self, rolling with Eddy Curry runs the risk of stabbing or shooting.

- Joe Torre’s new book contains claims that third baseman Alex Rodriguez “developed a Single White Female type obsession” with shortstop Derek Jeter. I’d buy that accusation except for one thing, in his attempt to kill and pass himself off as Jeter, it would be highly unlikely that anyone would mistake Madonna for the quality tail that Jeter has on his arm.

- A high school basketball coach in Texas was fired today after his team beat another 100-0 and he refused to apologize for the wide margin of victory. The school later petitioned to forfeit the game, in a move of contrition for its lopsided victory. To replace the ostracized coach, the school is said to be in talks with Bill Belichick, in hoped of bringing in a coach who knows the meaning of “sportsmanship”.

- The NHL suspended Red Wings Pavel Datsyuk and Nicklas Lidstrom for skipping the All-Star game after having been selected to play. Commissioner Bettman levied the suspension on Sunday, while also advising that he would also consider fining any fans who voted for All-Stars but chose to not watch the game.

- Catriona Matthew won the HSBC LPGA Brazil Cup by five strokes on Sunday, despite being five-months pregnant. No announcement has been made as of yet, but the PGA tour is said to be readying marketing material to promote the unborn youngster as the next Tiger Woods.

- Tony Stewart landed another huge sponsor at the end of last week, reeling in Burger King, which will serve as a primary sponsor during the second trips to both Daytona and Dover in 2009. The first order of business in sealing the deal will be a burger-eating competition between Stewart and Wimpy.



- Free agent catcher Jason Varitek recently admitted that had he known that the team that signed him, if not the Red Sox, would have to forfeit a 1st round pick in addition to meeting his salary demands, he would have accepted arbitration from Boston. For his part, agent Scott Boras also failed to inform his client of the impact of his decision but in fairness to Scott, he would have had he been allowed to air it out during the World Series.

- The cost, before expenses, of each 30-second ad run during this year’s Super Bowl will be $4 million each. President Obama, in a move to help stimulate the economy, is said to be considering buying up a few slots to air highlights of his $45 million dollar inauguration.

- In a stunning shift, the NFL is urging the Raiders and 49ers to consider sharing a new stadium, similar to how the Jets and Giants currently, and with their new stadium, share a field. In return, Al Davis has asked for the NFL and its head officers to share one finger.

Caption This - The Sloth Edition

I've never hidden my odd affinity towards Sloth from Goonies. He's one of my favorite movie characters of all-time, and I'll often use his images as a avatar on various sites, like the one on my profile here.

So, I was on the look-out for a new image to use and came across the one below, and I felt, this would be a great Caption This subject.

Have fun. I'll look forward to the comments.

Unkept Thoughts - Volume 2

First off, I have to apologize for the dry spell of late. I have had a LOT on my mind lately, stuff I’ve had to deal with on a personal level that required my attention to more than anything else. Sometimes, real life just takes a priority to computer existence we’ve carved out for ourselves and when things need to be fixed, you better run with your toolbox and plug the holes before you get overwhelmed by the flood. I’m not quite ready to say that everything is water under the dam, but at least I can say that the village is safe for now.

Anyway, I’ve been spending time carving out a number of baseball related posts for Associated Content lately, a project that will likely keep me busy for the next several days as well. If you are interested, click on the link and check them out. They are all exclusive to AC, so unfortunately I cannot publish them here or over at Sporting News.

So, needless to say, all I can offer up here is these few Unkept Thoughts, various things that have popped into my head at some time or another that merited writing down for posterity’s sake.

- No matter how bad things may seem, you have to remain optimistic. Life is difficult enough as it is without constantly worrying that the sky is going to fall too. That being said, maybe it isn’t such a bad idea to carry an umbrella, just to be sure.

- Marriage is like baseball, if your knees buckle every time that you get thrown a curve, you’re never going to make it in the big leagues. You just need to do what you can to stay in the box and make adjustments in order to succeed.

- No matter how shallow someone is, always remember that you can drown in as little as a quarter of an inch of their bullsh!t.

- Do you know the difference between young and old? When you are young, you sit and think; when you are old, you think about sitting. Right about now, I just want to curl up and fall asleep under my desk ala George Costanza.

- I have burst through the bubble and found my voice again, but for some reason, I just don’t seem to have anything left to say.

- America gathered in all its glory yesterday in celebration of a new era of “change”. If Mr. Obama comes through with even half of what he’s promised to do, I’ll be happy, but I have to be honest, I’m not overly encouraged by a man who comes out after the election and says, “there may be false starts” and “it may take ten years”. Last I checked, Presidents can only serve for a maximum of eight years, and this country needs immediate help, but thank you for quelling my expectations.

- Have you ever felt like you lost something, and then got it back, but it just isn’t quite the same?

Monday Monologues - January 12, 2009

Welcome one and all back to Monday Monologues, my weekly collections of quips and wisecracks taken straight from the latest sports headlines. I hope everyone had a great weekend. If not, its time to shake it off and get your laugh on, the perfect thing to gear you up for a long week in the office.


- The Denver Broncos are said to be ready to name former New England Patriots offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels as their new head coach, replacing the Mike Shanahan. McDaniels will become the youngest head coach in the NFL. The deal has been agreed to by all parties, but still requires the signature of McDaniels legal guardian before it can be finalized.

- The Red Sox continues their off season signings this past week by inking John Smoltz, Rocco Baldelli, and Takashi Saito to contracts. All three spent significant time on the disabled list last season, but represent a low risk, high reward alternative for Boston in adding components to its 2009 squad. Alternatively, should the players fail to stay healthy, Tom Werner is considering a remake of the classic M.A.S.H. as his next television project.

- Jarkko Ruutu was suspended for two games last week after biting the thumb of Andrew Peters of the Buffalo Sabres through his gloved hand. Peters was said to agree with the league ruling. Ruutu added, “I did not bite his thumb at him sir, but I did bite his thumb.”

- Adam “Pacman” Jones announced last week that he was considering suing ESPN over the network’s comments regarding the possibility of Jones ordering someone to shoot at three men outside a club in Atlanta. When our legal department analyzed Jones’s claim and his likelihood of victory, we were astonished to learn that through a strikingly surprising turn, and money he would win in the suit would immediately need to be paid to Ron Goldman.

- A report surfaced last week that more than 8% of all Major League Baseball players have received a banned substance exemption from the league in order to treat ADHD. This is a shocking revelation against Major League Baseball and its battle against illegal supplements. In defense, Bud Selig was quoted as saying, “We simply didn’t think anyone was paying attention.”

- Despite the threat of a lawsuit by the Portland Trail Blazers, Darius Miles received and signed a contract offer from the Memphis Grizzlies. Portland had been threatening any team that signed Miles with a lawsuit because if Miles were to play just 2 more games this season, his contract would count against the Blazer’s salary cap for 2009-10. Memphis stands strong in its belief that signing Miles was the right thing to do, saying “Hey, the Knicks are paying Stephon Marbury aren’t they?”

- Alex Rodriguez continues his swinging ways after being sited with actress Kate Hudson over the weekend. A-Rod, who reached a divorce settlement with his wife Cynthia in September, was at first thought to be with Madonna. In the end however, it appears they are just in a running competition to see who could bed the most celebs with Rodriguez likely to lose because his bat goes limp in pressure situations.

Movie Quotes For Any Mood

I'm kind of in a funny place tonight. I've spent a lot of time lately over thinking anything and everything, generally making myself miserable in the process. I'm sure we all sit down and engage in such self destructive behavior from time to time. We pick apart even the smallest events in our lives, and then inevitably we pick apart the action of picking things apart. We can be completely self-centered and overly concerned with what others are going to think at the same time.

Sh!t, I even started writing some completely introspective post called "The Dangerous Act of Over Thinking One's Self", then thought better of it and scrapped it. Talk about your backwards fool, complete with a government certificate proclaiming aid to those that have to deal with you.

Again though, we all get in our funks right? Sometimes all we need is something small to pull ourselves out of it. For me, I always crash into movies, finding solace into other people's make believe lives because fiction is sometimes a lot easier to deal with. With that in mind, I had a thought; there has to be at least one movie line to pull anyone out of any mood.

Feeling Stupid - "What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What? " - Jules, Pulp Fiction

Feeling Fat - "I'd better not. I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and I'd get them lodged right in this region here." - Tommy Callahan, Tommy Boy

Feeling Insignificant - "And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire..." - Milton Wadhams, Office Space


Feeling Crazy - "Is that crazy enough for ya'? Want me to take a shit on the floor?" - McMurphy, One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest

Feeling Overwhelmed - "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue." - Steve McCroskey, Airplane


Feeling Confused - "I would've made a sexy chick." - Brody, Mallrats

Feeling The Need - "Do you have bathrooms here or do I have to shit in a plant?" - Jeff, Grandma's Boy

Feeling Wordy - "Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." - V, V For Vendetta (And everything else)

Feeling Unruly - "Greed is for amateurs. Disorder, chaos, anarchy: now that's fun" - Top Dollar, The Crow

Feeling Dedicated - "Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!" - Walter Sobchak, The Big Lebowski

Feeling Lost - "I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks." - Dante, Clerks

and finally...

Feeling Hopeful - "Look kids, Big Ben!" - Clark Griswold, National Lampoons European Vacation

Alright, so those are just a few of what I could come up with. To tell you the truth, just running through this exercise helped me a bit. Feel free to add in any thing you feel would work here, especially if you need a little pick-me-up. Have a great weekend!

Coming Soon To Congress...VD

Sure, we’ve all heard the naysayers, pumping in their two-cents about the world coming to an end and what not, based on the turmoil in the Middle East, the collapse of the world economy, and the Yankees off-season spending spree, but it wasn’t until today that we saw proof positive of the coming apocalypse.

Larry Flint is leading a quest to Congress to ask for a $5 billion federal bailout for the adult entertainment industry.

Just when you thought that the bailouts had reached critical stupidity, we land this juicy tidbit on the docket. Then again, I can’t say that I am entirely surprised to see this maneuver. Once the flood gates were opened up, it was just a matter of time before we saw a true test as to just how far these bailouts will reach, not to mention the selectivity of determining who qualifies and who doesn’t.

It’s fitting though that the test of boundaries will come from an industry that has none.

Let’s look at it from that perspective shall we? Each rescue package (insert adolescent giggle here) has been handed down from Congress or the White House with a predetermined set of regulations that the industry receiving such grants would have to adhere to. Mr. Flynt has spent his lifetime fighting guidelines and pushing boundaries to the point where he was once one of the governments most hated individuals. Would a government rescue really help out an industry that is diluted not by the economic well-being of the country, but by the sheer amount of supply online? Wouldn’t having the government’s hands in the most risqué of businesses actually have a more crippling impact on the industry? I can see it now, the adult entertainment industry under the watchful eye of the FCC. No amount of wardrobe malfunction excuses would fly in that environment.

The problem that this situation points out is simple; government had no business getting involved in saving failed businesses. Sure, the job losses would have been enormous, but has the rescues of the banking, credit, or auto industries really helped to stem the flood of people being sent to the unemployment line? Am I going to get rescued if I invest my hard-earned saving into a family vacation (read here as company outing), rather than preparing for a possible downturn in my own economic situation? Companies fail because they make bad decisions. Giving them additional funds is like letting them place on final bet on the roulette wheel, hoping that wherever it lands will get them out of the funk.

In the end, it comes down to what one of my former bosses told me:

“If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.”

That may be true in some regards, but as we’re seeing now, you don’t always get what you always got. Sometimes you just get a old dude, standing up in front of a bunch of other old dudes with one hand out and the other holding onto a rubber phallus

No Idle Hands In Today's Economy

There’s and old proverb that says “The Devil finds work for idle hands to do.” Well, I’m not familiar with the Devil myself, but I do know that my employer certainly has found a way to busy those idle hands.

When I first came aboard at this company over three years ago, I started as an Account Manager, but got moved into Project Management when I showed some adeptness towards streamlining operations and systems. It was a move I appreciated, it was a step up, making me more visible to upper management and giving me the general impression that I had a larger role in the growth of the company. What it also did, and I am grateful for, is it diversified my skill set, exposing me across the board to what the company does.

Yesterday, I was approached by my direct supervisor. He wanted to “talk” and pulled me into a private room. With the down economy in the back of my mind, this never feels good, but I was at least at ease knowing that the Human Resource Manager wasn’t present, which gave me the impression that my job wasn’t at stake. Upon sitting down, the ease was momentarily taken away from me, when my supervisor proceeded to start the conversation with, “You know how things in production have slowed up recently?”

Needless to say, my face must have contorted in some way or another, because he immediately backpedaled a bit, allowing me to relax a bit by saying, “Don’t worry, this isn’t bad.” Basically, he was approaching me to take on some additional responsibilities within my old role as Account Manager, taking on a client that I was already familiar with, having handled them on the project side.

Knowing that some of the processes we had dialed in over the past year or so had in turn made my current position much easier, I immediately accepted the added duties. Let’s face it, given the state of the economy, not to mention the possible directions that conversation could have moved in after that opening sentence, I’m more than happy to take on an additional role as long as I stay employed.

This situation got me thinking though, about the other side of the economic downturn. We hear about the unemployment lines that are growing in record numbers not seen since the Great Depression, but we hear very little about those that are left behind. Today’s events were a perfect example of what those people who are still going into the office or to the plants are going through. Anxiety, fear, and paranoia are running rampant through every place of employment, with every one worried about the reach of death’s hand into every company.

Some, like me, have resigned themselves to the fact that they will take on addition work and do so most likely at the same rate of pay that they currently bring in, or a cut depending upon the option presented before them. There is no power of negotiation on the side of the workers, not when there are people who would happily step into that position in order to put food on the table for their families. There is no hope of a cost of living increase in a world where companies keep raising priced in order to make the books work. Supply versus demand, and supply is grossly tipping the scales.

What does all this mean in the grand scheme of thing? Its simple, those who have jobs will gladly take on the paranoia of possibly being next just as long as there is still a paycheck coming in and a roof over their heads. Its just better to be scared than to it is to be layed off these days.

The Last Game

One day, as John Roberts strode past the local ball field, as he always did on his morning walk to the convenience store of a paper and coffee, he saw a group of boys dividing up players for a game.

John enjoyed watching the kids play baseball. The energy, the innocence, and the exuberance of youth always left him feeling good about the world, and it reminded him of his days on the sandlot, not caring how many innings they got in, just as long as they got to hold the bat or throw the ball sometime before the sun set for the day. Here, in this place, these kids were far from the influences of the outside world.

Now being a Saturday morning, these kids were getting an early start, hoping they could get in a full nine innings before their mothers called them home for lunch. Even if that happened, they would resume where they left off. John took a seat on the bleachers, just outside the chain link fence and unfolded his paper. “No finer way to spend a Saturday morning,” he thought to himself as the kids lined up to pick teams.

No sooner had John unfolded his paper when the first selection was made. John could remember how these things went. The first kids picked were always the bigger kids, who looked like older brothers of the other boys rather than one of their classmates. Then the picking would trickle down to the little guys that would ultimately get stuck in right field to pick flowers or chase bees. When the first pick was made, John was shocked that it was one of the smaller boys picked first. The second pick became the boy that John thought would be the first choice. The picks alternated, and it became apparent that something was amiss, with one team being comprised of all the smaller players, while the other contained all the bigger ones.

Not being one to stand by and let something unfair run its course, John stood up on the bleachers and called the boys over for a minute. When they got to the fence, John asked “Why are all the bigger kids on one team, and the smaller ones on another? This hardly seems fair to both teams.”

The captain of the smaller team stepped forward and explained, “The bigger kids will only play for the team that will give them the best baseball cards. Jimmy’s got more cards than I do, so they always play for his team.”

John was appalled to hear this. He looked at the bigger boys and he asked, “Is this true?”

Teddy, the largest of the boys, looked at Mr. Roberts and replied, “Why yes sir. I hit lots of home runs and I run really fast. I figure I’m worth at least 2 rookie cards, and insert.”

“You don’t get it son. The game isn’t about how many cards you get for playing, its about sharing the time with your friends and having the most fun” John said.

“But I want to be on the winning team,” said Jimmy, the captain of the bigger team, “and if I have the most cards, shouldn’t I be allowed to buy the best players so my team wins?”

John shook his head solemnly. “You can’t get so caught up in winning or losing,” John said to the boy. “If you lose, but you played as hard as you could while doing so, isn’t that a lot more fun than winning the game by losing all of your baseball cards?”

The boys looked at one another, as if this had been the way it had always been. John didn’t know what to think. “And you,” John said to the larger ones, “won’t you feel left out when these boys no longer have enough baseball cards to get you to play on their teams?”

The bigger boys looked lost at first, but quickly looked angry, as if they were being scolded for taking advantage of the system. It became apparent to John that they just didn’t get what he was trying to say.

Teddy looked at Jimmy and asked, “Well, do you want me to play on your team or not?”

Jimmy, not sure what to say at this point, said “Um, yeah, of course I do.”

Teddy said, “Fine, then let’s leave this guy alone and go back to playing before you need to give me another card.”

And with that, the boys slowly started walking back to the field, occasionally looking back at John on the bleachers, as if they were looking for some sort of approval.

Just before running back to the field with the other kids, Billy, the smallest boy out there looked at John and asked, “Sir, why did you stop to watch us play?”

John thought this over for a minute, then looked at the child and replied, “The game is like a story, with little things changing as the story is told from one generation to the next. Each brings something different, a new twist perhaps, to the table, but at the end of the day, they still tell the story. I wanted to see if the story was still the same, but I guess some changes have been made that just can’t be undone.”

And with that, John got up from his seat and made his way home. The walk never seemed so long.

As the boys grew, they would occasionally see John walking past the field from time to time, always with a cup of coffee and a newspaper in his hand. However, he never again stopped to watch the game, content with his memories of when it was in fact, just a game.

For Want Of A Green Bowl And Other Unkept Thoughts

Nothing quite sparks the imagination like an interesting title. Sometimes you wonder if you carve out a clever title, will people stay for the show or will they bail once they found out that the title was just another incident of jumping the shark. I think it was the great Tommy Callahan that once uttered the words, “Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time.” Alas, when I offer you a title such as the one I’ve etched above, I am not stamping it with a guarantee, not am I setting up expectations of any kind. So at the end of the post, you’re left with the option of whether or not you want to label it a piece of s@#t or not.

- The reference to “For Want Of A Green Bowl” is inspired by my five-year-old son of all people, who this morning determined, of his own free mind, that he would fast at breakfast time rather than eat his cereal from a yellow bowl, when his brother had a green one. Granted, I myself could have avoided any such quandary by first pouring both servings into green bowls, but alas, I did not. Instead, I was left to wonder why children can be as adamant about such a trivial item as the color of the bowl when I have witnessed adults in an office environment eat anything left out on the counter for the masses, no matter what it looks like. Does this have a point? No, but I had to explain my inspiration.

- As a comic book fan (insert fanboy joke here), I have recently wondered how, after decades, that the various Robins that have worked with Batman have aged, but Bruce Wayne himself remains ageless. Somehow this just doesn’t seem fair to me, or Alfred for that matter.

- Can someone explain to me just how much balls someone has to have to continually ask for taxpayer dollars during an economic crisis, while pumping half a billion dollars into three free agents? Seems to me that someone needs a visit from the three Christmas ghosts next year.

- I see Jerry O’Connell welcomed twins with model/actress Rebecca Romijn last week. How many people still wonder how chunky little Vern ended up with Mystique?

- Just when I thought I had captured everything there was to do with streaming digital video to my TV to bypass the cable companies, LG blows my doors off with the announcement that they are making televisions with built in Netflix streaming devices. Killer!

- How does one man manage to steal $50 billion? Does it strike anyone else as odd that they are only looking at one person, rather than a group of people that would be necessary to set-up such a large scheme?

- I'll close things out with one last ode to Vern. So what the hell is Goofy anyway?

Monday Monologues - January 5, 2009

Welcome back one and all. I trust that everyone has enjoyed their holidays thoroughly and that everyone is equally as eager to return to their normal routines of eat, sleep, and work right? Alright, well in honesty, I’m sure none of us are all that eager to do anything beside continue to sleep in and relax. Rather than dwell on the cruelty of eventuality, let’s just put it behind us and try to enjoy life, one little bit at a time, starting with this week’s Monday Monologues.

- Darren Sproles racked up 328 total yards of offense in San Diego’s playoff victory against the Indianapolis Colts on Saturday. Reportedly, the Colts mistook the 5ft 6in, and 181 lbs Sproles for child on the field of play, thinking security would take care of the little guy.

- Charles Barkley was arrested and booked on suspicion of drunk driving after being pulled over for running a stop sign and refusing a breath exam at the scene. Multiple reports have surfaced that Barkley told the officer that he ran the stop sign because he thought his female passenger, had promised to, err, satisfy him. The woman was not identified in the reports, but it is believed that she is not Barkley’s wife of 20 years. However, she did bear an unusual resemblance to Ernie Johnson.

- Bill Cowher has announced that he does not intend to coach for any NFL team in 2009. Cowher was flattered by having his name mentioned for just about every opening under the sun, but ultimately decided that the Jets and Browns jobs, which he was most prominently mentioned for, would likely be available again next season.

- The Los Angeles Dodgers have reached an agreement with center fielder Andruw Jones to restructure his contract in hopes of either trading him or releasing him before spring training if a deal cannot be reached. When reached for comment, Jones, who was happy with the arrangement, hoped to catch on with a team where he can show he can still play at a high level. He was quoted as saying, “I am committed to being in the best condition possible by Spring Training. Already, I am lifted one to two donuts at a time.”

- The New York Knicks and point guard Stephon Marbury continue to work on a buyout in order to release the troubled former star. Rumors have been flying all over the place of possible landing places for Marbury, with the defending champion Boston Celtics being mentioned recently. When reached for comment, Danny Ainge did not expect the team to acquire the troubled guard, saying that he had already been in contact with the commissioner’s office, who told him he’d have to return his Executive Of The Year award as penance.

- Lebron James is upset after being called for a traveling violation on Sunday, sealing the loss on the road for the Cavaliers against the Washington Wizards. James was quoted as saying, “You have your trademark play, and that's one of my plays.” Dr. James Naismith rolled over in his grave and released a statement, saying, “Traveling is a signature rule, and that’s one of my signature rules.”

- Diamondbacks CEO and former player agent Jeff Moorad resigned from his position late last week in order to dedicate his efforts on finalizing a deal to buy the San Diego Padres. The Padres are up for sale, as the John and Becky Moores, the principal owners of the team, are going through a fairly harsh divorce and both own 50 percent of the couples 90 percent share of the team. Moorad hoped that a deal would be completed within the next three months. Upon completion, the couple will then move on to figuring out who gets the family dog.

- Jeff Gordon made a splash last week when he predicted that NASCAR would be able to survive without having to rely on major auto manufacturers, which is viable in today’s current economic situation. However, one ambitious reporter reminded Gordon that NASCAR is a racing organization that uses automobiles. Gordon’s response was quoted as “oh, yeah”.

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