New Years Resolutions For Others

Let’s face it; we all have little things about ourselves that we wish to better from year to year. New Years resolutions give us the reason, or at least the guise, to make a concerted effort to address those issues.

Now, personally, I don’t feel I have much to improve on myself. My wife would laugh at that and tell you otherwise, but I digress. Instead, I felt my resolution services with be better served on a consultant basis, mapping out what others should hope to accomplish in the new year. My motto is “A New Year, A New You… Not Me.” Needless to say, I’ve been quite busy already, working with some of the most famous people in the world, carving out a map of goals for each of them.

Here’s a sample of those that have come to me and what I’ve managed to lay out for them already:

Athletes

Terrell Owens – I resolve to get more in touch with the inner me.

Plaxico Burress – I resolve to wear tighter pants and a holster.

Isaiah Thomas – I resolve to do my best to get a better night’s sleep.

Roger Clemens – I resolve to write everything down so I no longer misremember things.

John Daly – I resolve to try not to lose the shirt off my back this year.

Hank Steinbrenner – I resolve to make myself more available to the media.

Manny Ramirez – I resolve to not try and be someone I’m not, just be me.

Brett Favre – I resolve, or don’t resolve, to make a decision about my future as an NFL quarterback before, or after, the beginning of training camp.

O.J. Simpson – I resolve to get my s@$t back!

David Tyree – I resolve to use my head and become a better overall football player.


Others

Barack Obama – I resolve to change my political platform once in office.

Rod Blagojevich – I resolve to sell my New Year’s resolution to the highest bidder.

Bernard Madoff – I resolve to be the best Amway seller in America at year’s end.

Elliot Spitzer – I resolve to take a tougher stance on prostitution…tomorrow.

Heather Mills-McCartney – I resolve to be a leg to stand on for victims of celebrity divorce.

Me

Alright, I couldn't fight the urge, plus it's never fair to point out the shortcomings of others without looking at yourself.

I resolve to have a safe and Happy New Year with my family, wishing the same to each and every one of you.

NFL Playoff System Is Fine As Is

An 8-8 team has made the playoffs while a 11-5 team has to pack up their lockers and go home.

Quick, let’s convene a meeting and discuss how we fix this great travesty of sports.

Funny isn’t it? Every time something looks amiss, we’re all quick to blame the system and demand that everything be torn down and rebuilt, hoping along the way that we’ll stumble upon the perfect method that will end debate. It’s funny though, how quickly we all forget that that same mentality if what created the BCS system in college football. How well has that performed in ending debate over there?

Sure, as a Patriots fan, I could easily sit back and rail on about how the Patriots, despite finishing with 3 more wins than the Chargers are sitting home while the Chargers continue to take a shot at the Super Bowl, I won’t. Fact of the matter is, I believe the playoff structure in the NFL is working fine and the current plight of the Patriots is just an aberration in a system that has worked well for a number of seasons.

The latest realignment of the NFL made it possible for four division winners in each conference to advance automatically to the post season. Then, it leaves the best records among the also-rans to fight it out for the two Wild Card spots. New England failed to make the playoffs because it failed to capture either of its two chances at a berth, not because it was cheated out of them.

Sure, you can make a case that New England played better football or in a tougher division than San Diego, but is that really a fair assessment? San Diego jumped on their chances to win their division on the backs of a 5-1 record against their division opponents and a swoon at the hands of the Denver Broncos. New England on the other hand was 4-2 against their division opponents, meaning had they won either of their two losses, against Miami and New York, then they would have claimed their own division title and this debate would have been unnecessary.

Further complicating the matter was the play of the Wild Card winners. Baltimore, at 11-5, finished second in their division to Pittsburgh at 12-4. Indianapolis, at 12-4, were one game behind division winner Tennessee who finished 13-3. Baltimore, on the back of its 8-4 conference record, held the tiebreaker over for the final Wild Card spot. So again, New England was punished under the rules set up already in the system, making them more a victim of circumstance than anything else.

Looking at other leagues, some people would assess their systems as working better, but in all honesty, they all have similar structures. The NBA, although having a division set-up, rewards only three spots to the division winners, with the five remaining slots going to best records among the rest. MLB, has three divisions per league, with each winner getting a playoff berth and the best record among the non-division winners gaining a Wild Card slot. If there is any inherent flaw in these systems, NFL included, is that division winners get preferential seeding, even if they themselves do not hold better records than the Wild Card teams, giving them home field advantage.

So needless to say, the NFL system seemingly works fine the way it is. Each team’s fate is in its own hands, each with sixteen games to make a legitimate case for why they should secure a slot. Sometimes fate, or division alignment, shines down on you. Sometimes it doesn’t. But that’s just a roll of the dice.

The First Step Is Admitting You Have A Problem

“The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old age. The most beautiful thing in life is that our souls remaining over the places where we once enjoyed ourselves”
- Kahlil Gibran

Something has recently become apparent to me that I feel I need to get off my chest. Sure, it has been apparent to those that know me fairly well, but sometimes it is simply harder to see in yourself what others see in you. And while I have come to this realization, I do not feel ashamed of it, nor do I feel like it hinders my growth as a person. I am comfortable with the person I am and frankly, I wouldn't change that for the life of me. Sitting her this evening, I have come to the realization that...

I never grew up.

No, I'm not talking about having some sort of Peter Pan syndrome, fluttering around the room pretending to fly and whatnot, but rather my inner child is still there and I revel in the fact that I never tried to suppress it. Being a father of twin boys, I just now get more opportunity to let it out once in a while.

I take great pride in being able to sit down and watch cartoons with my kids. Sure, a lot of parents can say they watch programs with their children, but I actually watch it. I know intricacies about the characters, including their origins, their special powers, and for some, their favorite meals. And to be completely honest with you, I love every minute of it. Having access to places like YouTube and DVD libraries allows me to share the cartoons I loved as a child with my kids.

Having young children gives me a built in excuse to play with toys. I hear parents all the time complaining about having to try and work a toy that they could easily do when they were kids. Truth is, its all still down there, you just can't be afraid to bring it back out. It's even better now knowing that my children get to play with toys that were around when I was a boy. G.I. Joe, Transformers, He-Man, and others have all found there ways back around again, putting me right there on the level with them. Being able to watch the glow in their eyes as they unwrapped their Christmas presents and found toys that enraptured me as a youth put such a fire in my heart I was able to heat the house for days. And don't get me started on video games.

Then there are comic books. Yes folks, my inner Fanboy is still alive and ticking. Sure, it never really went away either, having been supplanted by movie adaptations from the funny books I grew up on, but nevertheless, its still there. Given the chance to introduce my kids to The Flash, Batman, Green Lantern, Wolverine, Spider Man, etc has piqued my interest in finding out what I've missed over the years. I've engrossed myself in online comics and graphic novels such as Kingdom Come, Watchmen, Infinite Crisis, and The Long Halloween to name a few. Sure, I still read a ton of regular novels, but the stories carved out in these still fuel the imagination, which as an adult, I can now appreciate some of the underlying story lines embedded in each.

So, I'm proud to say that I have never grown up. I think having a grounded reality as both an adult and a child enables one to be a better parent, allowing our children to see us as both role models and peers at the same time. And while I can't say whether or not my children will stay kids forever, I can take solace in the fact that I will do my best to stay forever young.

Just When You Thought Humanity Couldn't Be Saved

Let's face it, we're all exposed to the occasional stupidity. The advent of YouTube has only managed to display it all on a grander scale for all to see.

Take for example these numbskulls, chosen out of what appears to be a pack of 100's that have taken up the new fad of exploding Diet Coke bottles with Mentos. I admit, whoever made this discovery deserves some merit in terms of scientific advancement, but it was never meant to be put in the hands of the people of this world.

Case in point:

Here is one where the guy is actually being constructive with it.



Amazed, I was too, until I saw this one and I shudder for the youth of America.

Greatest.....Show.....Ever

Being a Netflix customer and owning the greatest gadget ever for viewing Netflix films, I'm always in search of new things to watch on it. My latest find is a series of shorts put out by Starz called 30 Second Bunny Theater. They are, as mentioned in the title, 30 seconds short, animated reenactments of movies.

Once I started watching a few, I was hooked, as they are addicting. If you want to check out all of them, you can find them here, but in the meantime, here is a small taste for your viewing pleasure.

National Lampoons Christmas Vacation



CaddyShack



Die Hard



Office Space

Is This Really The End Of Texeira In Boston?

Late last night, after meeting with agent (read here: devil) Scott Boras and free agent slugger Mark Texeira in Texas, Red Sox owner John Henry released a statement saying that the Sox are effectively out of the running for Mark Texeira.

This is an interesting development, as many news agencies were reporting that the Red Sox had flown to Texas to hammer out the last few aspects of the deal for the most sought after bat on the market. Reports still circulate that Boston has the high offer on the table, somewhere in the range of eight years, $180 million. However, the key question is whether or not we should believe that the Sox are truly out of the running.

It's been obvious in the past that Boston is willing to play the game with Boras, whether they win or lose. They lost in 2005 with Johnny Damon, but gained a lot of ground during negotiations with Daisuke Matsuzaka. Still, given the Yankees moves thus far in the hot stove season, it would be a stunner if Boston chose not to answer back in kind, especially if rumors that New York is going to pursue Manny Ramirez intently. So is Henry bluffing in order to get some leverage in the deals? By pulling Boston out, the market may soften a bit, because Los Angeles may not feel they need to make such a large qualifying offer to retain Texeira because in turn, they don't feel that Texeira will choose Washington or Baltimore due to those teams current level of play. Then again, this may work against Boston too, because it will allow the Yankees to swoop in at a price they feel better about spending, as they've previously said they aren't willing to break the bank for Texeira after having already done it for Sabathia and Burnett.

Certainly, Boston has designs for acquiring Texeira, wanting to stuff a power bat behind David Ortiz in the line-up, especially one with power from both sides of the plate. Still, its not as if this line-up lacks thump. People seem to forget that Jason Bay is capable of 25-30 home runs a season, Kevin Youkilis is good for 20 to 25, and then there is the flexibility of still having Mike Lowell on the roster. If healthy, he could feasibly come back and deliver 20 to 25 home runs as well. So needless to say, fall back options are there on the team already should the Sox decide to stand pat.

Free agency still has some options as well, but not necessarily along the same schemes the Sox typically build their team around. Should they attempt to go for strict power options, Adam Dunn, Pat Burrell, and Bobby Abreu are still available. However, Dunn and Burrell have a propensity for striking out doesn't really fit the mold of a typical Sox hitter, and all three come with concerns of defensive limitations. Burrell and Abreu would also represent an even bigger issue as either would cause a bottle-neck in the outfield and require some interesting decision making.

Boston also has other priorities to address, namely slotting in two catchers, a fifth starter, and a fourth outfielder. Still, without bringing in a bat like Mark Texeira, Boston may not be able to bring back Jason Varitek because they would worry about being able to hide his dwindling offensive production. They would also lose a bargaining chip in a trade for a catcher in Lars Anderson, who would have been blocked by Texeira at first, but now might have to resume the helm of the first baseman of the future.

So whether or not they are truly out of the running, I guess we'll have to wait and see. However, this much is for certain, Boston is willing to dance with the Devil, but they may not be willing to sell him their soul.

Ten Best Quotes from National Lampoons Christmas Vacation

Well, it’s that time again, when we all settle down with the family and pull out our favorite holiday films. There are classics like animated features like Rudolph and Frosty, the clichéd but still must-watch It’s A Wonderful Life, and even some personal favorites such as Emmit Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas. But one film always stands out above the others in terms of what to watch every single year; National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.

So, to honor this timeless classic of Christmas joy, I have chosen for your reading pleasure, ten of my favorite quotes.

“Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?” - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
“You have your coat on.“ – Mary (Nicollette Scorsese)
“Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?” - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

One thing that always held true, throughout the Vacation series, was Clark’s way with women. Watching him fluster his way through this experience is enough to make every man uncomfortable for him, and is a fantastic way to get the ball rolling. The only thing to possibly ruin this moment was having Rusty interrupt it, which in its own part was priceless.

“Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.” – Frances (Doris Roberts)
“He worked really hard, Grandma.” - Audrey Griswold (Juliette Lewis)
“So do washing machines.” – Art (E.G. Marshall)

Ahh yes, you’ve got to love the in-laws right? Doris Roberts is somewhat subdued in this role in comparison to her later credits in Everybody Loves Raymond, but her delivery here was exactly what you would expect to hear from Marie Barone. E.G. Marshall deadpanning the last line was just icing on the cake to show the contempt they hold for Clark.

“I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.” – Ellen Griswold (Beverly D’Angelo)

Isn’t this just the perfect analogy for the holiday season? With all the pressure of making everyone’s experience perfect, it’s easy to get swept up and downright miserable just trying to suffer through the whole ordeal. And in a house full of bickering family members, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

“You surprised to see us, Clark?” – Eddie (Randy Quaid)
“Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.” - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

Let me go on the record right here and now and say “I love this line”. The shock and surprise of seeing Eddie show up on his front lawn, right in the middle of a special moment for Clark leaves him without his wits momentarily, but they are quickly gathered, just in time to deliver this gem.

“Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?” - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
“Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark” – Eddie (Randy Quaid)

Eddie is like the thorn in Clark’s side in this film and he can’t wait to get rid of him. When you think about it, this kind of funny when you consider that the overly present Eddie in Vegas Vacation, helped to make that film completely forgettable.

“What are you looking at? “ – Ellen Griswold (Beverly D’Angelo)
“Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...” - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
[Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet]
“S@!tter was full.“– Eddie (Randy Quaid)
“Ah, yeah. You checked our s@!tters, honey?” - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
“Clark, please. He doesn't know any better.” - Ellen Griswold (Beverly D’Angelo)
“He oughta know it's illegal. That's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it.” - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

Another great Clark/Eddie moment, with Eddie barely in the scene at all. Clark catches you completely off guard when he asks Ellen is she’s checked the couple’s own lavatories.

“Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous.” – Ruby Sue (Ellen Hamilton Latzen)
“Nervous or excited?” - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
“S@!ttin' bricks.” - Ruby Sue (Ellen Hamilton Latzen)
“You shouldn't use that word.” - Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
“Sorry. S@!ttin' rocks” - Ruby Sue (Ellen Hamilton Latzen)

What a difference growing up on a worm farm has on the innocence of youth hmm? Just when you thought Ruby Sue was the perfect little girl, stuck with a backwards family, she drops this beauty on us, reminding the viewers that she hasn’t fallen so far away from the tree.

“Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d!@kless, hopeless, heartless, fat-@ss, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s@!t he is. Hallelujah. Holy s@!t. Where's the Tylenol?” – Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

This one is my wife’s personal favorite. A breathless rant inspired by getting shafted out of his Christmas bonus by a greedy, cost-cutting boss ought to hold some similarities to today’s struggles for a lot of people. Granted, most of us aren’t going to go to these extremes to solve the issue, nor would many of us expect to see them work out in our favor either. In fairness though, Clark has always benefited from going to the extremes to give the best to his family.

“Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f@#king Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white @ss down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of @ssholes this side of the nuthouse”. – Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)

And who can forget the meltdown of all meltdowns? Finally the pressures of trying to provide the perfect Christmas for his family and having it blow up in his face overwhelms the eternally optimistic Clark and he lets loose on the whole family. The only thing that would have made this better is if he had the chainsaw in hand and a nervous twitch while reciting it.

“Our holidays were always such a mess.” – Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
“Oh, yeah.” – Clark Senior (John Randolph)
“How'd you get through it?” – Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
“I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.” Clark Senior (John Randolph)

How true is this? We’ve all been to family gatherings that have gone awry. And no doubt there has always been some busy-bodied mother or father running around trying to keep it all in order. Well, the secret is out of the bag on how they kept the smile on their faces and the memory of past years failures out of their minds when planning for the next year.

There is no doubt that I left out a classic or two that easily could have helped to populate this list. However, I think I did a fair job of reciting just what makes this film special in my household. Now, if you won’t mind excusing me, there seems to be some sort of noise emanating from the Christmas tree.



Sources
National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, Wikiquotes.org
Memorable Quotes for Christmas Vacation, IMDB.com
National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, Poemofquotes.com

Unkept Thoughts - Volume 1

There was a recent time, not long ago, where I posted my Unkept Thoughts on a blog all their own. Then I came to the realization that trying to maintain two separate blogs where only one was necessary wasn't very time efficient on my part. Needless to say, I ended up scrapping that location and deciding to move everything in one home. In this economy, you just really can't afford to have vacation spots anymore.

Anyway, Unkept Thoughts was a spot where I would just randomly gather my roaming thoughts, for two-fold purposes. Firstly, I wanted to remember all of the things that ran across my mind on a given day. I'm forever having thoughts that I think are great, and then forgetting them when I can make any use of them. Secondly, I had the opinion that being able to see into my wandering mind had some sort of entertainment value. Sometimes its just good to see how messed up other people are too.

Needless to say, here are some recent items that I've been pondering:

- I was vacuuming the office at work today (slow morning, don’t ask) when a thought occurred to me. If you want to make it more fun for men to vacuum, then you have to turn up the power, go all Tim Allen on it. The solution; a zero-turn radius ride on vacuum cleaner! If that baby had a cup holder on it too you’d have the cleanest floors anywhere.

- I’m convinced that Christmas was invented by a man because it gives him a built in excuse to play with toys and watch cartoons without the worry of being labeled childish.

- I just can’t seem to wrap my head around this whole Scrooge thing. The more thought I put into it, the more I just can’t get it. I mean, here you have an overworked, elderly gentleman who is visited in the middle of the night by five ghosts, two of which are former business partners and one of which represents Death. If that isn’t a good excuse for a stress induced heart attack, I’m not sure what is.

- Madonna is purportedly paying ex-husband Guy Ritchie $92 million to go away, most likely to make room for new fling Alex Rodriguez. As if playing in New York wasn’t enough pressure for the Yankees’ third baseman, now he has the pressure of another outrageous price tag to live up to.

- So I guess the assessment is true; you can find anyone on Facebook, or at least this unsuspecting couple. Australia courts have approved the use of Facebook to serve papers on people they cannot reach through normal channels. I guess all is fair in love, war, debt, and Facebook!

- My wife and I take turns washing dishes at home. When she washed them, all she seems to have is a spoon and an empty glass. When it is my turn, there is a mountain to wade through, like we just held a USO show. Now, I know that part of this is because I don’t always wash dishes on the night they are dirtied, but I can swear that she somehow hides them and pulls them out when it is my turn.

- I’ve come to the realization that I’m not really looking forward to the New Year. To be quite honest, I think it is more that I can no longer consider myself young because I can’t really remember where this year went so fast.

- Here’s a stumper for you; when I delete things from my Windows Recycling Bin, doesn’t that sort of negate the purpose? Or is there somewhere in the great Windows universe that makes these things into useful items again?

At this stage of the day, I think it is time to give my brain a rest. Enjoy.

Monday Monologues - December 15, 2008

Welcome my friends to Monday Monologues, where with tongue firmly planted in cheek, we poke fun at just about anything under the sports magnifying glass during the last week. If it presents an opportunity, we're going to take it.

During different points last week, Joe Sakic broke a few fingers during a snow blower accident and Bulls guard Derrick Rose accidentally cut himself by rolling over on a knife. Not wanting to be outdone, Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress shot himself in the other thigh and said, “Top That!”

The NFL Hall of Fame intends to review the status of OJ Simpson now that Simpson is a convicted felon, which could possibly result in his losing his place in the illustrious Hall. Speculation is rampant, but if rumors are true, Fred Goldman is expected to take his place in a court settlement.

Early last week a divide formed in the Cowboys locker room after Terrell Owens started telling players that quarterback Tony Romo and tight end Jason Witten had “secret meetings to draw up plays.” In truth, Romo and Witten were discussing what to get Owens for Christmas, but now the pair are said to be considering giving him nothing but coal this year.

The Dallas Stars have reached the decision that the suspended Sean Avery won’t be allowed to return to the team when his suspension expires and he completes his rehabilitation for anger management. Avery had been suspended for making a comment about other NHL players poaching on his “sloppy seconds”, referencing how other players were now seeing former girlfriends. Meanwhile, it has been speculated that Avery’s suspension was reduced to six games because of a plea deal with commissioner Gary Bettman, where Bettman would get his pick out of Avery’s little black book.

Knicks forward Cuttino Mobley announced last week that he would retire from the NBA due to an ongoing heart condition that appears to be getting worse. After consulting with medical professionals familiar with the condition, Mobley was told that his heart would not be strong enough to weather the ordeal of playing for the Knicks.

Manny Ramirez was quoted last week as telling a friend that he might just retire if he doesn’t start seeing the type of offers that he was expecting to roll in soon. But it isn’t all that bad for Manny at this stage in his career, as he’d got a burgeoning career as an Ebay seller to fall back on should he not get the millions he is looking for on the free agent market.

Like what you read above and need a couple of more chuckles to get you through the day? The slide on over to YouGabSports for a couple of exclusive monologues to add to your collection.

Are They C.C. Serious?

"Free-agent left-hander CC Sabathia has reached preliminary agreement on terms with the Yankees on a seven-year contract worth approximately $161 million, according to a major-league source."
- Ken Rosenthal, Fox Sports

All I can say is, "WOW!"

Let's be frank about this signing right out of the gate. This is outrageous money. Just when we thought, based on the deal that Francisco Rodriguez agreed to with the Mets, that the economy was going to have an impact on this year's batch of free agent contracts, leave it to the Yankees to blow that out of the water.

But in fairness, this doesn't come as a surprise, and I truly have no ground to stand on in any complaints about the dollar figures involved with this contract. As a Red Sox fan, I can't complain about what anybody spends on free agents as long as we are willing to drop top dollar on Mark Texeira. No, this deal didn't come as much of a surprise in that manner. The Yankees had been upfront about wanting him from the get go and it was just a matter of time before the right dollar figure fell into place.

Instead, I'm more alarmed that about two other aspects of the trade.

First, in order to get the deal done, they had to stretch the contract out to seven seasons. For a pitcher like Sabathia, who at 28 has 117 career victories and a 3.66 lifetime ERA, this might seem like a great chance to take, locking up a young pitcher who seems to be hitting his prime. But then you need to remember that Sabathia has pitched 513 regular season and postseason innings over the last two seasons alone, meaning he has roughly the same amount of mileage on his arm as our President-elect put on during campaign time. The Yankees are libel to use him in one of two ways. They'll either ride his ability to eat innings in order to relieve stress on their bullpen or they'll try to nurse him along due to the length of his deal. If they over work him, they may run the risk of being the straw that broke the camels back so to speak, making a seven year deal look like another Carl Pavano signing.

Secondly, I can't figure out for the life of me why they would grant an out clause after three seasons. Didn't they just get burned by Alex Rodriguez having such a clause in his contract? Aren't they trying to take advantage of A.J. Burnett exercising the same kind of clause in his escape from Toronto? It seems to me that they wanted to make this investment so badly that they took anything that the player or agent laid out on the table. The out clause, if it was such a sticking point, should have negated the need to go to a seventh year in the deal. One or the other, but not both. I just can't see the return of investment in granting an out clause. The player wants you to show him you'll be willing to commit to him, but wants to make sure he has a way to say bye-bye. I don't buy it and neither should the Yankees.

They were committed to landing Sabathia at any means necessary, and in the end, it looks like they exhausted those means. Now I guess it will be interesting to see how this signing impacts their pursuits of Burnett or Lowe to plug in behind him. There is no doubt that having Sabathia at the head of their rotation, with Wang and Chamberlain falling in behind him, makes the Yankees a better team. But how much better depends on the decisions they make throughout the course of the winter.

Monday Monologues - December 8, 2008

Wow, is it Monday again? It seems like the older I get, the quicker these days creep up on me. Oh well, at least I have my weekly excursion into the land of Monday Monologues to get me through the daily grind of life.

Enjoy!

- Vikings Wide Receiver Visanthe Shiancoe caught the game-winning touchdown pass versus the Lions on Sunday, but it was his post game performance that is getting all the publicity. It seems that Fox Sports, while taping Vikings owner Zygi Wilf presenting the game ball to coach Brad Childress with the game ball, inadvertently caught Shiancoe in the background with a towel that didn’t quite cover his Mini-Visanthe. When asked about the matter, Shiancoe is rumored to have said, “Unlike the Lions, I guess I don’t come up short.”

- The Timberwolves today fired coach Randy Wittman and replaced him with team Vice-President of Basketball Operations Kevin McHale. While McHale will step down from his former post in order to concentrate on coaching, he’ll still have to sit in the executive seats, as his long arms prevent him from staying within the coaching box during play.


- Greg Maddux today officially closed on the book on perhaps one of the finest pitching careers of our generation, retiring from the game with 23 seasons and 355 wins under his belt. Never one to miss a step, Maddux’s agent Scott Boras was quoted as saying despite his client’s retirement, he still believes there is a market for pitchers who won’t be pitching next season. Most notably, the New York Yankees were said to be kicking the tires now that Carl Pavano no longer fills that roster spot.

- NASCAR chairman Brian France recently petitioned Congress to do whatever was in their power to help stabilize Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler, saying "I'm writing you as a concerned American who wants what is best for our general country.” This request comes on the heels of Honda pulling out of Formula One racing next season. With sponsorship dwindling, NASCAR is forced to look for alternative means, including the possibility that the next Car Of Tomorrow will be a Segway Centaurs.


- NFL all-time leading scorer Morton Anderson announced his retirement, after being unable to catch on with a team. The 48-year-old Anderson had played 25 seasons, and five teams, in the NFL. Anderson’s retirement leaves Father Time and Phillies pitcher Jamie Moyer as the oldest employed citizens in the world.

- The New York Daily News reported last week that the Mayor’s office had demanded suites and concessions at the stadium before they would pass certain referendums for the stadium which is currently under construction and due to open in 2009. The agreements reached allow the Yankees 250 more parking spaces, which will cost garage owners an estimated $820,000 per year and former Governor Elliot Spitzer at least one rendezvous point for future “endeavors”.

- Michelle Wie finally took a step toward becoming a true professional by qualifying for the LPGA tour over the weekend. The move is a big one for the 19-year-old former prodigy. Meanwhile Annika Sorenstam led the country in unison in the “Sigh Heard Round the World” signaling the exact time and place when the rest of the country admitted they just didn’t care anymore.

Is There a Winner In An Auto Industry Bailout?

This week the question has come before Americans, asking them if we felt that the Big Three American automakers deserve to receive similar bailouts from the government that the financial industries are seeing. They’ve all made their treks to Capital Hill, first using private planes and then, after being chastised for their earlier modes of transportation, via automobile. They’ve pitched their plans, which now will cost $9 billion, yeah with a “B”, more than they did just a week prior. Now they’ve taken their sob stories to the public.

So should taxpayer dollars be used to fix what they broke?

The answer doesn’t seem as easy as it should be. The easy answer should say that they aren’t deserving of any such rescue package. Since they couldn’t run an efficient business to begin with, why should we have the faith that they can restructure in a way that we aren’t simply throwing money on the fire? What would make them see the light now when they’ve been ignoring the big picture for years?

However, the biggest concern in all of this mess is the matter of the hundreds of thousands of jobs that are at stake should one or all of them crumble before our eyes. The economic impact of those wages not filtering into an already weakened economy could be devastating. Coupled with the already enormous amounts of unemployed citizens that have already lost their jobs in other industries, and a picture similar to the Great Depression is painted right before our eyes. Then again, in reading through the restructuring plans laid out by all three companies, each and every one of them details layoffs and plant closures in order to get each of them under more strict operating costs. And that doesn’t even include the trickle down to dealerships and suppliers that will either fold or have to make similar concessions.

So where does that leave us? Basically it becomes a damned if you do or damned if you don’t situation. But is there an answer to fixing the problem? Certainly the concessions made today by the United Auto Workers union will help to amend some of these issues. Its obvious that they had themselves a pretty sweet ride for some time and its time to put them back in line with the rest of the American working public. That being said, the trick is keeping as many of these people at work as possible as these concessions were made to keep their jobs, not show them the door.

With the discussion of plant closures, why not bring the American auto industry back to America? The easiest way to get this whole fiasco to benefit the American economy is to try and keep the money filtering inside the American economy. Closing plants in Mexico and South America are an easy answer to that. Sure, the cost of operating in the United States may be higher due to the wage differentials, but then again, you’ve already received concessions to make your work force more cost affective by restructuring your union agreements. With the plethora of unemployed Americans beating the sidewalks looking for jobs this very minute, it is understandable to think that all three could field cost affective labor forces in a short manner.

Then we have the issues of paring down product lines. The quick and easy answer to generating fast cash flow is to sell off assets, namely foreign car lines. Stakes in Mazda, Volvo, Saab, etc looked great on paper years ago when the industry was booming and assets were as good as cash. However, in a time when almost all the major auto producers are reporting sales that are in thirty percent or more declines, then maybe the answer should be to line up supply more realistically with demand. Offer basic product lines, with certain standard features in stock and ready to be driven off the lot. Otherwise, put a premium on custom made vehicles, applying proper lead-time expectations to customers that demand such a luxury. Its feasible to assume that even with plant closures, a custom vehicle can still be produced within an acceptable time line that a customer demanding such service wouldn’t necessarily expect to be able to look over a lot full with every single configuration in multiple color schemes. Having that much overhead has to be killing each of them, not to mention the burden it puts on the dealers as well.

And if none of these options work, maybe the answer is a merger. Not just of Chrysler and whoever would be willing to buy them, but of all three into one super conglomerate. They could easily assess the top selling models under each flag and then concentrate on making them fall more in line with actual customer demands, rather than scratching and clawing for the rapidly dwindling consumer dollar.

Regardless of what is chosen, the ramifications of any such maneuver would be tremendous, both on a weak economy and on a weak industry in general. Making such a decision isn’t an easy one, especially in light of the dire need conveyed by both Chrysler and General Motors. But whether its easy or not, it nonetheless needs to be made, and it needs to be done quickly. The American public deserves to know where this issue stands and they deserve to be prepared for whatever happens because of it, if there is any way to prepare them.

NFL Needs To Strengthen Its Education Program

It served as cruel irony when on Friday night, just days before the Giants were to meet the Redskins in Washington that Giants Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg in a New York night club. The irony of course was that such an incident would occur just days before the Redskins would honor Sean Taylor, a teammate shot and killed in his home by burglars a year prior, with an induction into the Redskins year of honor.

The incident also served as a cool reminder of just how little NFL players have learned from recent history, including the September 2, 2008 shooting of Jaguars Tackle Richard Collier, which left him paralyzed from the waist down and his left leg amputated. There was also the shooting death of Broncos Cornerback Darrent Williams on January 1, 2007.

So the question comes down to whether or not the NFL is doing enough to educate its players, both rookies and veterans, about the dangers of firearms and about trying to keep themselves out of violent situations. The NFL currently holds rookie symposiums to help drafted players make the transition from college to the NFL, including lectures on handling the lifestyle that comes with the money and fame they gain from playing in the league. However, wouldn't it be more appropriate for them to continually offer these educational experiences to players throughout their tenure in the league, much as any other employer would offer ongoing safety training to its employees?

Certainly, the NFL has stepped up its disciplinary measures to help combat the rising legal and safety issues for its players off the field, but those measures are strictly reactive, instead of proactive. Maybe it comes down to each team designating a mentor to players as they come into the league, not only to preach how to live the NFL life the right way, but to show them how to stay out of certain situations and how to handle them should they arise. It is asking a lot of young players to come from living in tougher situations to step into a new lifestyle and giving them only a list of punishments for failure rather than the tools in which to succeed in it.

Yes, players need to be held accountable for the actions they commit, as any adult should be, but by giving them a mentor, preferably someone coming from similar backgrounds, would make a huge difference in helping these players grow from products of their environments into positive contributors to society. The most important thing for the NFL to do is to try and help the player prevent the fall, rather than have to pick up the pieces afterward.

Sources

Giants Burress accidentally shoots self in leg, FoxSports.com

Taylor dies after being shot in home, ESPN.com

Richard Collier, Wikipedia.com

Darrent Williams, Wikipedia.com

Monday Monologues - December 1, 2008

Well folks, Thanksgiving may be behind us now, but there still seems to be plenty of turkey to go around. And let’s face it, there’s nothing better after the big day than figuring out what to do with all of those left overs.

- Plaxico Burress today turned himself to New York police after a weekend incident where he accidentally shot himself in the leg at a night club. The Giants are said to be shocked though, as they had thought that will all the time he spends shooting off his mouth, he was more liable to get shot by someone else rather than by his own hand.

- Allen Iverson will be hit with a “heavy” fine from the Detroit Pistons after missing a Thanksgiving Day workout with the team. Iverson arrived on Friday to a media swarm, who had to play a YouTube clip to remind Iverson what they were talking about.

- As part of its restructuring efforts before begging for a bailout from Congress, General Motors parted ways with Tiger Woods as a sponsor for its Buick line. It countered this move by enlisting Arnold Palmer to take up Woods’ helm, figuring it would be more beneficial to sell vehicles with a sponsor in the same age group as its market.

- Former Red Sox outfielder Jay Payton told Boston Globe reporters over the weekend that he was open to going back to Boston as a fourth outfielder, despite forcing his way out during his last tenure due to not wanting to be the fourth outfielder. Payton feels he can fill the role admirably, as well as bring back some of the mood swings lost when Manny Ramirez left town.

- Charles Barkley and LeBron James exchanged barbs after Barkley called out James for continually discussion his impending free agency in 2010, despite still being under contract with the Cavaliers. James was quoted as saying “He’s stupid. That’s all I have to say about that.” Unsubstantiated reports are also claiming that James has removed Barkley from his Fav Five.

- The Baseball Hall of Fame ballot was released today, headlined by career steals leader Rickey Henderson. While his induction isn’t a sure thing, Henderson is said to be mulling over the possibility of giving his own induction speech, because if Rickey liked doing anything more than playing baseball, it was talking about Rickey.

Caption This...December 1, 2008

How delicious is this irony?